def followin for the rest of the story!!!



let it g

et all the way in ur butthole, sit down to help push it in, make sure that carrot is all the way in there with the green leaves sticking out before u head to the local grocery store and wait for the manager to pull it out bc he assumes ur stealing it, but no u brought it from home so now u can sue him for sexual harrassment and get tons of money. quick cash to fund ur vacation to hawaii. good luck

Can we retire these jokes yet

(via scumdeluxe)

3,381 notes

23,542 notes

my teacher showed us this in class to teach us about phoneme substitution and then laughed for 25 minutes

  • Man: Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Den I come one lasta time.
  • Lady: You foul-mouthed swine! In this country we don’t talk about our sex lives in public.
  • Man: Hey, coola down lady. Who talkin abouta sexa? I’ma justa tellun my frienda how to spella Mississippi.

794 notes

46,745 notes



Lions pretend to be hurt by the bites of their young to encourage them.

this put the biggest smile on my face